Character Conversations
by arandm30
Summary: Random conversations and happenings between Naruto characters and characters from other anime. Lame title. Au. Rating to be safe!
1. Chapter 1 Orochimaru's Alone Time

**Hey everyone!! This is only my second fanfic . And just because I'm still fairly new to this doesn't mean I want you guys to go easy on me. Flame if you wish**

**This isn't going to have any major plot line that I know of yet. It's just a heap of characters having some conversations and doing some random shit.**

**This will be mainly Naruto characters but there will also be characters from other anime/manga as well. So some of the things said by these random characters mightn't make sense to some of you!**

**You will be able to tell but this fic is AU…I guess. I suppose it has to be if there are characters from around. Meh. I don't really know because I'm still kind of new to this…Not so much to writing but to fanfiction…I WILL TRY MY BEST!! Oh, and there might be some OOCness.**

**If I say or do something wrong or completely idiotic then please forgive me! I tend to do that a lot. SO I SPOLOGISE IN ADVANCE!! Also, I may do something random and use Japanese language in it. If I do and no one knows what the word means then let me know and I'll tell you. And I will use the words right because I ACTUALLY LEARN JAPANESE!! Three years but I'm so good! Meh.**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own any of the characters from Naruto or Death Note. If I did this wouldn't be a fanfiction! It would be….actual fiction?? Something like that. BUT I WOULD BE FAMOUS!! So don't complain!!**

* * *

I sat on the couch with my head in a magazine. I was reading the 'Mere Male' section and was trying to keep myself awake. I wasn't tired, and it wasn't late at night, but I was so bored right now that I was sure to go. Sasuke sat beside me, glaring at his drink like his life depended on it. I don't know what he was doing. Brooding over something, but he keeps his thoughts to himself. But he'll change. His brother did. I don't know what happened but he's a lot more open, especially around me. But I tend to rub off on people…Most of the time it's my stupidity but meh. Matt was sitting on the couch opposite, headphones in and playing a videogame. I don't know what he was playing but from the random comments he'd make every now and then I guessed it was some kind of racing game.

We were happy in our silence, each of us minding our own business and not annoying each other. But then Tenten walked in. She was a ghostly white and looked tense. She opened her mouth and tried to talk, but no sound came out, so she closed it again. She did this a few more times while I was pissing myself laughing in my mind over the fact that she looked like a fish. But I couldn't let her keep embarrassing herself like that.

I gently grabbed her arm and asked, "Tenten? What happened?"

After a few more moments she finally seemed to find her voice. "S-s-scarred…Life…H-horrible."

I raised my eyebrow at her.

"I-I'm never going to use the bathroom again…" I stayed silent, waiting for further explanation. Boy, did I get one. "I…I just walked in on O-O-Orochimaru…He, he was masturbating over a picture of Itachi."

Sasuke started choking next to me and I patted him on the back saying sarcastically, "I'm so sorry he cheated on you Sasuke…I'm really sorry."

When Sasuke stopped choking we just stared at each other with stupid looks on our faces, except Matt who was totally oblivious to everything. We were in the middle of our silent and mindless staring when several people walked into the room; Kisame, Itachi and Orochimaru. Kisame sat down next to Sasuke and Itachi and Orochimaru sat next to each other on Matt's couch.

The three must have sensed something was up between the rest of us and stayed silent for a while. All the while me and Tenten looked at each other, silently contemplating whether to say anything or not. Without saying a word or even moving we came to an agreement and we looked to Sasuke for permission. He took a deep breath before nodding his head.

I don't know why but it was so intense. If anything it should have been hilarious, well hilarious for me, Tenten and Sasuke. But it was Orochimaru we're talking about. This guy wanted Itachi's body, and when he couldn't have it he had to settle for Sasuke's. He didn't even get that. Hee hee sucker.

Tenten took my seat as I walked up to Itachi and leaned over and whispered what had happened to him. His eyes widened in horror and his face reddened. He couldn't get up fast enough and practically dove for the other couch. He pulled Tenten up and stole her spot, leaving her pouting at Itachi.

Something suddenly clicked in Sasuke's mind and he jumped up from the couch and faced me, pointing at Orochimaru. "Why the hell'd you call me gay for!" he yelled angrily. "Let alone say I'm gay with that pedophile!" Then he stormed out of the room.

Orochimaru sat there will a sadistic and knowing smile, licking his lips with his long snake-like tongue.

Matt heard Sasuke yelling and set down his videogame. "Did I miss something?"

Kisame replied, "I think we all did."

Tenten and I ran after Sasuke and Matt went back to his videogame. Kisame moved to sit next to Matt and watched what he was doing. Itachi sat there glaring at Orochimaru, who was staring back, probably undressing Itachi in his mind. Unbeknownst to Matt and Kisame, Orochimaru randomly moaned and Itachi suddenly felt unsafe and exposed. He got up and also left to go and find someone half sane to talk to.

Itachi waited until he'd calmed down a little more before he did anything. He walked into the first bedroom he came across which happened to be Sasori's. He walked in to find Sasori sprawled out across his bed with a book. When he noticed Itachi enter he closed the book, shoving it under his pillow and glaring at Itachi, silently demanding an explanation.

After a lot of hesitating and glaring Itachi told Sasori. Sasori did nothing in return, just stared at Itachi, and then at the door before bursting out laughing.


	2. Chapter 2 Ritsuka's Ears

**Well, here's chapter 2 of this fic. I hope you're enjoying it…Somewhat. Meh.**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own any of the characters from Naruto or Loveless. And I certainly do not own my friend Emily!**

* * *

Hidan gently poked at one of Ritsuka's ears for the hundredth time. And for the hundredth time Ritsuka moved his ear away from Hidan's finger with a very annoyed look on his face. Hidan poked the ear again, this time earning a not-so-threatening sounding growl from the boy.

"Stop antagonising the kid," said Kakuzu.

"You're no bloody fun, Kakuzu. It's not every fucking day you meet a kid with cat crap attached to them," replied Hidan.

"It's not cat _crap_!" groaned Ritsuka. "They're just ears and a tail…And stop poking me!" He sighed before glaring at the Zero boys. "Natsuo! Youji! Why can't you help me! God, the one time I need Soubi…"

And as if he heard, Soubi appeared next to Ritsuka and grabbed Hidan by the wrist. "Don't you dare touch him."

"Oh, and what are you gonna do about it?" scoffed Hidan. "Threaten me with your piss-weak spells?"

Soubi just glared at Hidan before turning to Natsuo and Youji. "Why didn't you two stop him?"

Natsuo shrugged. "Why should we? And we have better things to do," he said matter-of-factly before taking Youji's hand and leading him away.

Then I burst into the room yelling, "Visitor! Everyone, this is Emily!" A girl my age walked in and swung her arm around my shoulder. She had short strawberry blonde hair with a black stripe down the left and a massive grin on her face.

"Hey!" yelled Emily, waving at anyone who was looking.

"Introduction time! Emily, that's Hidan. Hidan, Emily." Then I turned to Soubi and Ritsuka. "The tall guys' Soubi. Soubi, Emily. Cutie with the ears is Ritsuka. Ritsuka, Emily."

"Aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww! You're so cute!" she yelled, glomping Ritsuka. "Why do you have ears anyway?"

"Because," sighed Ritsuka, pushing Emily off him, "All kids do."

"I'm a kid and I don't have ears though," questioned Emily.

I whispered something in her ear.

Her eyes went wide and she looked at me in horror. I nodded at her before she screamed, "I am still a virgin!"

"Yeah, why are me Natsuo and Youji the only kids with ears? Soubi?" Ritsuka questioned.

"I think it's got something to do with the world you come from," I said.

"Hey kid," Hidan said to Ritsuka. "Come by my room later, I've got something cool to show you."

Kakuzu whacked Hidan hard across the head before anyone could ask why. "Oi, Hidan. You can't fuck him, he's just a kid…If you keep going like this you'll turn into Orochimaru."

Soubi visibly shuddered. "That's disturbing."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. "You're already like him. You like little boys…" I pointed to Ritsuka. "Just love Kio back because then you'll have someone to fuck and you won't be a pedophile. It's a win - win situation!"

Soubi just glared at me and Emily laughed.

"ZOMG that is so funny!" said Emily.

"Hey, no one's told me yet why the kid has fucking cat ears!" yelled Hidan.

Ritsuka just shrugged. "We're born with them. It's just the way it is."

"Then how come you're rapist hasn't got any?"

Ritsuka blushed. He tried to answer but he couldn't. So I answered for him.

"You lose them when you have sex," I said flatly.

"Damn!" hissed Hidan. "That means people would notice. No!"

I pushed Hidan over and held his face in the couch so he couldn't talk as much or breathe. "Why do you lose them anyways? Why don't you have them all through your life?"

"I know!" said Emily. "How cool would it be to have a boyfriend with ears?! They're so cute!"

"OMG I know!" I screamed.

Emily and I started having this random conversation about animal features and how they can change a person's image. Like making them look cuter, or scary, or hot or whatever and also how certain clothes can do the same thing. But at some point one of us said something that totally freaked Ritsuka out. I think it was when I said how Sasuke's shirt makes him totally rapeable. But I'm not sure. But whatever it was, Ritsuka ran and hid behind Youji and Natsuo, who came back in sometime during me and Emily drooling over things.

Natsuo pulled Ritsuka into his lap and hugged him tight in a "protective" embrace, all the while smiling at Soubi. Soubi caught on to what he was doing almost straight away and smirked back. Natsuo didn't notice the evil glint in Soubi's eyes, but Youji did. Soubi had a plan for revenge, and a sweet one at that.


	3. Chapter 3 Truth or Dare

**Hey everyone! This is chapter three. It's not really related to the chapter title but yeah. Wow, these author's notes are getting shorter each chapter. Meh…I guess it's less bullshitting you'll need to read. ;P**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Naruto, Gravitation, Death Note, Gakuen Heaven, Ouran High School Host Club, Sukisho or Night Head Genesis.**

* * *

Temari sighed. "I'm gonna regret saying this but…Dare."

Kiba smiled maliciously back at her. "Pay back for earlier…I dare you to blow Kankuro."

I smacked him upside the head. "No incest!"

Temari poked her tongue out at Kiba.

"Unless," I finished, "It's between Itachi and Sasuke!"

Sasuke was walking into the room just as I said that and when he heard it he left straight away.

Itachi rolled his eyes. "You and your obsession…You really need a new one."

"P-lease. I have lots of obsessions besides that one…"I corrected him.

Hiro raised a curious eyebrow. "What are these other obsessions?"

I laughed, "You'd shoot yourself before I got to five."

"Try me."

"Fine," I sighed. "You asked for it." I took a deep breath. "One: gay sex scenes involving Matt, Mello, Tetsuya, Nakajima, Keita, Iwai, K, Hiro, Tohma, Ryuichi, Shuichi, Eiri, Natsuo, Youji, Tamaki, Minato, Sora, Gaara, Kotetsu, Kakashi, Neji, Iruka, Jiraya, Izumo, Shikamaru, Orochimaru, Itachi, Sasuke, Sasori, Deidara and Hidan. In no particular arrangement. Two: Naruto's abs, total drool material. Three: The shows Top Gear and Dr Who. Four: Naoya and Naoto. Hotness must be in their genes! Five: The movie _Jesus Christ, Superstar_. It was the worst movie ever and I didn't pay attention to it when I was supposed to be watching it in class. But Jesus and the guy that betrayed Jesus kissed. That is why me and Emily think Christians hate gays, because Jesus was killed by one!" I looked around. Most people had left, except for Temari and Sakura who were suffering from nose bleeds and Hiro who had fainted.

Naoto walked into the room and just shook his head. "What was the dare and who did it this time?"

"No dare…Just five of my obsessions."

"And?"

I told him what I said earlier. Naoto just shook his head. "Don't go around freely saying that, it's not something to be proud of."

* * *

Later that night I saw something that I thought people needed to know. I ran into the lounge room and yelled, "Ohmigod Temari just blew Kankuro!" But then I realised what I did. I was only going to tell the several people who played truth or dare but instead I told everyone that lived in the building. "Oops." I covered my mouth and shook my head.

Gaara fell off his chair and yelled. "What the hell are you telling us that for? Are you sure it was them anyway? They're siblings! For crying out loud!"

"Who are siblings?" asked Temari as she entered the room.

"You!" screamed Gaara. "And Kankuro!"

Temari froze in place and I shrunk into a corner and hid behind Soubi.

"Who told?" she growled.

A couple of people pointed to where I was only to find I wasn't there anymore.

"It was Mel," said Gaara. "And after you've finished killing her, I think I might kill you!"

But Temari didn't hear the last threat because she was already gone, looking for me.

"Crap!" I whispered to Soubi, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind. "But you'll protect me, won't you Sou-chan?"

Soubi smiled, "Only if you tell me what happened." Soubi removed my arms from his waist and pulled my around to sit on his lap. He's such a pedophile and half the time he doesn't even realise it.

"Fine!" So I told him. And then he got a sadistic smile on his face and agreed to protect me.

"But you have to do something for me in return…"


	4. Chapter 4 Is Hotness Genetic

**Hey everyone! This is chapter 4! Thank you to people who have been following this so far!**

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Naruto or Night Head Genesis.**

* * *

Emily was over again and I was introducing her to more people. It didn't matter how many times she came over, there was always someone she hadn't met. This time it was Naoto.

Emily just stared at him with these big eyes. "Whoa!"

"What is it?" Naoto asked. "And can you stop doing that? It's annoying."

"I'm sorry," apologised Emily. "It's just that you're kinda hot."

"Ohmigod I know!" I screamed. "And so it's Naoya."

Naoto sighed frustrated, "Leave my little brother out of this…"

And just like that Naoya walked in.

"That's him!" I yelled.

"Eep!" squealed Emily. "Ohmigod you're right! He is hot.."

"Yeah…" I sighed. "But he's more of a cute hot than a hot hot. Naoto's hot hot."

"I see what you mean. Hotness must run in the family…"

"Totally…Is it even genetic? Because I've seen their parents. Their mum's pretty but the dad is like…Meh…No offense!"

Naoto just rolled his eyes.

"I don't know," replied Emily. "I think it's genetic…I mean, look at Itachi and Sasuke. They're both gorgeous."

"Total drool material!" I gasped. "Neji and Hinata. Sure, they're only cousins, but Neji is like 'wow' and Hinata is way pretty."

"What about Gaara? He's good looking…And Temari is someone to be jealous of. But Kankuro isn't…?" She stared at the ceiling in thought. "Maybe the rule has exceptions?"

"Eh?! Kankuro is way hot! When he's not wearing makeup or that stupid hat thing he's not bad… He's got hair kinda like Kiba's I think…"

"Really Mel?" Naoya asked. "How do you know that?"

"He he…You'll never find out…Naruto looks like his dad…" I trailed off.

"Holy shit Naruto's abs are like awesome! He's the only guy I know with hot abs…Sure Sasuke's got a pretty face but he just does that fire jutsu. He's got no muscle from anything like Naruto does. Now that's hot…Ohmigod can you take a photo of Naruto shirtless for me? I'd so blow it up and hang it on me wall!"

Deidara had been sitting in the corner playing with a clay bird and when he heard the words 'blow it up' he listened in. "Who's blowing what up?"

"I'm blowing up a picture of Naruto shirtless to hang on my wall," replied Emily. But soon changed the subject, "Deidara's kinda okay looking I guess."

"Yeah," I scoffed. "If his mother was Barbie."

Deidara scowled at me. "What are you talking about this time…More important question, is it safe?"

"You could say it's safe," said Naoto. "But it's very girly."

Naoya laughed and poked his older brother. "Leave them alone. Their teenage girls, what do expect?"

"I expect them to talk about this when I'm _not_ in the room…Or start this kind of conversation about me!"

Naoya rolled his eyes.

Emily coughed. "Deidara! Do you think hotness is hereditary?"

"I don't know…I guess it is, going by siblings I know…Except for Kankuro. He doesn't fit. Is he an exception to the rule?"

"No," said Emily. "Mel said he actually is hot." She turned to me, "Can I get in on why?"

I whispered it in her ear.

"Ooh…That's evil and genius! Wait…So does that mean you know what Kakashi actually looks like?"

I hung my head in shame. "No. That guy is so paranoid. He wears the mask for _everything_! But I do know that he's got great legs. Nice muscle tone but they still look slim. But he's so pale! You think he'd get out in the sun more."

"Ohmigod you so have to show me!"

Deidara asked, "Have you been spying on them?"

"Not just them, _everyone_! But wouldn't you like to know." I laughed evilly. "No one is safe…I have eyes _everywhere_!"

"Ohmigod Mel! You're so mean!" Emily said. "But I'm getting in on this…Hee hee…But seriously, genetic or not?"

"I think it's only genetic between cousins and siblings!" stated Naoya. "Most ugly parents give birth to a hot kid. But more hot parents give birth to ugly kids. There are some exceptions but these are rare! In my opinion…"

Emily and I looked at Naoya and then at each other before nodding.

"That's a good enough answer," said Emily. "Alright Naoya!" And she hi fived him.


	5. Chapter 5 Pairings

**Ok anyone who's following this. I know – it's been a while since I last updated but I thought I finally should**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Naruto, Gravitation, Night Head Genesis, Death Note, Darker than Black, Yami no Matsuei or Emily (now THAT would be interesting perverted images flashing through mind hee hee)**

* * *

"Hey Em," I asked, turning to the drooling girl beside me. I paused, momentarily questioning what she was doing. There was no way she'd be looking at porn, not with Orochimaru standing behind her. But then again… "Uh, what are you doing?"

She turned her laptop to face me and on the screen was a picture of Sasuke and Hinata being extremely _friendly_, if that's the word to use. But it was obviously photo shopped. "Don't they make a cute couple!"

I shook my head at her. "When are you going to get into your think head that guy on guy is _way_ better." I stole her laptop off her and scrolled through some pictures I sent her. Finally finding one I liked. "Kakashi and Sasuke. I photo-shopped this one myself. It took me ages but it looks so _real_."

"Ohmigod! That is awesome! But who would be on top? Would it be Kakashi?"

"Hell yeah! Well, in _my_ opinion it should be. Kakashi is a lot stronger than Sasuke and could top him any day. And besides, it's Sas – UKE. So Sasuke _has_ to be the submissive one."

Emily just cracked up laughing. "Do you believe in Sasuke Itachi pairing?"

"Hell yeah!" I screamed.

"What! That's incest!"

"Incest-shmincest. The pairing is hot!"

"But it's incest!"

"So?" I asked. "They do it in Tassie."

"What's Tasmania got to do with it?"

I stared at her in disbelief. "Have you never heard that before? That all Tasmanians have two heads because they're all inbred."

"No!" she objected. "But they don't really have two heads."

"It's just a saying!! It's not real!"

There was an awkward silence after that.

"That guy and the pink haired dude," whispered Emily.

"Eiri and Shuichi? Ohmigod totally! But they're a pairing anyways coz they're like gay for each other. They're going out you know!"

"Yes I know that! BUT…Ok I have no but. But at least we don't have to pretend. Ohmigod Mel! You know that thing, with the thing in the thing?"

Naoya, who had been standing behind me without me noticing, put his arms around my neck from behind me and butted in. "Is this thing with the thing in the thing from that other time with the conversation about genetics?"

I nodded.

"You know there's a blind spot with the cameras in Naoto's room," he whispered to us.

"No way!" I gasped, horrified. "Where?"

"Joking!" he laughed. "Do you think that guy that writes porn and the guy that reads the porn should be a couple? Imagine the…_things_…they would do."

Someone whacked him across the head. He turned around to see it was his brother that did it. "Nii-san! What was that for?"

Naoto shook his head. "Don't hang around them too much. God knows what kind of trouble you'll get yourself into."

Naoto only pouted in reply. "I think I'm responsible enough to choose my own friends." His stood and faced his brother, changing his face from a pout to a glare.

"It's not you I'm worried about."

"Don't they remind you of a married couple!" I blurted out, immediately regretting it. I only meant to whisper it to Emily. "Actually…that's definitely a pairing! AND they're both gorgeous!"

"A _lot_ of the guys here are gorgeous. Mel, you must be having a bino in here. I think I should move in over the summer hols."

"Yeah…I wonder who'll get drunk over New Years Eve?" I asked, with an evil glint in my eyes.

Naoya put an arm jokingly around his brothers waste and said, "Wouldn't you like to know."

Naoto gently pushed his brother away. "Naoya! I swear if you drag me into this one more time!"

"But Nii-san. The only other person here who would play along is Orochimaru. And that guy would rape me given the chance – I DON'T WANT TO LEAD HIM ON!"

"Good point," Emily said. "But if what Mel says is true, then he's only interest at the moment are the Uchiha brothers. So for now you are safe." Then her face went dark, "But beware."

"I could see Orochimaru with practically anyone that's a guy. Sasuke, Itachi, Kabuto – but they're probably already at it – Naoya, Naoto, Eiri…Ohmigod _that's_ a scary pairing…Matt, Near, Hei…"

"Ok ok, we get the point," Naoto tried to silence me.

"Tohma," I continued. "Hisoka, Neji…"

"For God's sake," Naoto yelled. "Shut up!"

"You're just weirded out by the fact that you were on the list," said Naoya.

"So were you!" Naoto replied, his voice cracking a little.

"Yeah, but I make sure to lock the door or have another person in the room with me." Naoya sighed, pulling his Nii-san into a comforting embrace. "And I thought _you_ were the older sibling."

Using his mind powers, Naoto picked up a pillow and threw it and me – hard.

"Do you think we went a bit too far with that last one?" asked Em.

"Nah, he'll get over it. And besides, it's the truth. So is what Naoya said. He's never in a room by himself and the only people with a key to his bedroom are him and myself. Naoto can just use his mind powers."


End file.
